Things (1989)

"Oh! The blood is just dripping like maple syrup!!!" 

The Flick:
Here we have a whopping heap of "Canuxploitation". Things is the first shot on Super-8 Canadian gorefest that was released for the VHS market. This is much more than your average cheese flick. Not many films use the same approach to storytelling as Things. The people who go into this movie not knowing what to expect are going to be thrown for a major loop upon initial viewing. Nothing could prepare you for the viewing experience you are about to witness; it is truly something has to be seen to be believed. Even the people who hate it won't be able to look away, once the movie is popped in you are in for the longhaul because it is simply too crazy to ignore.

The movie opens the way any film should, with a naked woman in a devil mask (take notes aspiring filmmakers!) After we see this odd sequence Don and Fred are introduced. They are on their way to pay Doug (Fred's brother) a visit at his cabin. Upon arrival Doug isn't present and some strange items are found inside the fridge that may lead one to believe some kind of satanic ritual had taken place. Soon after Doug arrives and fixes up some sandwiches (one of which has a special, foul treat inside).

 All the fun is interrupted when Doug realizes his wife is having some issues with the pregnancy. A strange creature pops out of her and the house is infested with these Things in no time. Doug explains that though they wanted a child they were unable to conceive one on their own so they got help from the insane Dr. Lucas. In what seems like a blink of an eye Fred is gone and leaves quite a bit of blood behind. Don writes it off as spontaneous combustion and is not phased much by the weird event.  It is now up to Doug and Don to kill these creatures with the help of some power tools that are at their disposal.

Things tosses the viewers brain into a blender and then serves it up to them with an eyeball where the cherry should be. The odd lighting is sure to have you feeling a little funky and the scatterbrained film being shown on your screen probably doesn't help the situation. Throughout the entire movie random clips of Amber Lynn reporting news are spliced in. About 99% of the time these news broadcasts have absolutely no relevance to what is occurring. So many classic moments can be found in this cheesy gem. One of the first that comes to mind is when Dr. Lucas arrives at the house. The overacting is a delicious moment for all the fans of cheese and is sure to give just about anyone a laugh.

Overall Things is far from conventional. The main plot takes the backseat for the most part and long drawn out sequences of things that appear to mean nothing are abundant. It is obvious that the film is made up of a bunch of horror fans that put a large amount of hard work into this project. While it may not be every viewers cup of tea it is truly something unique and I think it is safe to say that you won't see anything like this again.

DVD Contents:
What Intervision is doing here is excellent. They clearly pour tons of time and effort into each and every release, when in reality it is a B-movie fans wetdream that these films are even seeing the dvd treatment. Intervision going the extra mile time and time again is really what puts them so far ahead of the competition. Don't go into this release expecting a nice, crisp picture, the quality here has the charm of the original format Things was released on, and in all honesty I wouldn't have it any other way.

Features:
- Audio Commentary With Director Andrew Jordan and Stars Barry J. Gillis, Jan W. Pachul and Doug Bunston
- Audio Viewing Party With The Cinemafamily
- Interviews With Tobe Hooper, Jason Eisener and Rob Contterill, Paul Corupe, and Joseph A. Ziemba and Dan Budnik
- 20th Anniversary Cast & Crew Reunion
- Behind the Scenes With Amber Lynn
- Vintage Barry J. Gillis TV Appearances
- Original Trailers